


The Idea

by Iguessthisiswriting



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:31:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6488134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iguessthisiswriting/pseuds/Iguessthisiswriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin has an idea after her ACL tear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The idea.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing, please leave comments. I'm sorry if it isn't good.

It was 7am when the alarm woke Ella up, she stretched her arm out to switch it off, when she realised that her big spoon was missing. Ella quickly put on a hoodie and went out into their apartment to find Erin.  
She soon found Erin sat on the sofa bouncing her knees up and down. Ella greeted her: “good morning babe” met with no response, and so decided to walk to the front of the sofa, standing directly in front of her better half, “hey babe, you not sleep well? You weren’t there when I woke up”

“ella we need to talk” Erin said, seemingly without registering her partners question.

“Hey, what’s happened? Isn’t it a little early to be this intense?”

Erin had yet to calm, still bouncing her knees, before gesturing for Ella to sit down next to her. Erin had been up most of the night thinking about this, she had written her statement about her ACL the previous night, and knew that it was going to be released at 11am central time. It had been a long few weeks for the couple, they’d only just begun their dream of playing European soccer together, and now it was seemingly over.   
Erin took a deep breath, she wanted to make sure she got this right. “I am going to be out for nearly 2 years El, that’s if I ever make it back. I am 33 this could be the end for me.”

“Babe, no, you can’t think like that, the two Mcleods will be together on the field once again” Ella replied reassuringly. 

“No that’s not what I meant” Erin said, placing her hand on Ella’s, who was now sat facing her on the sofa, “this dream may be over for me, but I think it might be time to focus on my next dream, our next dream”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Ella you know we both want children, and maybe now is the perfect time to start one”

“But..” Ella began quietly.

“No, listen. I’ve been thinking about this for the past 8 hours on and off. 2 years Is a long time to not be playing soccer. If we start the process now, we could have our baby, and I could still be back in two years’ time.”   
Neither of the girls spoke for a minute, they were both thinking the same thing. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. The plan when they decided on Sweden, was that Ella wouldn’t be playing, she would be the one to get pregnant; they had never even spoken about Erin carrying the child. 

“you know as well as I do, how good the clinics are around here” Erin eventually spoke, “we researched them all before we even came out here, and since they have our details, it might not even take me that long to get pregnant. Ella we could have a baby…”

Ella remained quiet, a single tear was beginning to roll down her right cheek, and Erin, being Erin, knew that this was a sign of happiness. Finally she uttered the words “but what if you want to play again”

Erin was quick to reply: “but that’s what is great babe. You know the clinics we researched, they say that people normally get pregnant within 9 months. So with that and 9 months for pregnancy, our baby should be born 6 months before I am ready to return to the game. And in the very unlikely chance that I do come back, I would only ever come back to play in the world cup.”

“But that’s like over three years away babe”

“3 years and 2 months roughly, so our baby would be at least 18 months old, by the time of the world cup”

Erin allowed this to register with Ella for a minute before the younger girl replied: “wow you have really thought this through haven’t you?”

“of course I have” and it was true, Erin had wanted children ever since she had begun dating Ella. She knew that Ella would be a great mom, and with it being Ella’s dream, it had become hers as well. They had spoken about it before, researched into it even, but nothing had ever been planned, they were just dreams, and now those dreams might become a reality. 

“Ella listen, I know that you wanted to carry a baby, and you can. One day, you will carry our baby, but right now you are playing for an amazing team, with some amazing girls. Playing out here is something you’ve dreamed of, and you have to continue playing whether I can or not.” 

It was true, Ella had dreamed about returning to Europe ever since she left PSG. She preferred the style of play in Europe, she loved practising technical drills. She loved how easily she had fit into the team out here. Ali Riley had taken the girls under her wing ever since they arrived in Sweden, and had been of particular support to Ella before Erin had arrived. She had only moved out here to be with Erin, she had retired, in her own mind, when the two left Houston. Never had she dreamed that Rosengard would offer her a contract too.

“I didn’t think you wanted to carry a baby?” questioned Ella. The two had never discussed Erin carrying the child. Erin had never thought about carrying a child herself, not until she heard about the Zika Virus. Suddenly, it had made her question what she wanted to do with her life, did she want to be a mom? Did she want to risk losing a baby?

“I guess I must have changed my mind then” she was watching Ella trace the lines and different colours of her tattoo. She could see Ella was thinking, she always traced Erin’s tattoo when she was thinking, and Erin knew not to distract Ella when she was thinking.  
After what seemed like an eternity, Ella let out a deep breath, “okay”

“Okay?”

“okay, let’s have a baby” Ella replied “just as long as you’re sure”

“I am sure, oh my, thank you babe, thank you so much. I love you” Erin said as the biggest smile spread across her face. She had never expected Ella to agree this easily. Erin began to think back to the last few years, and how much her life had changed…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the girls first meet

It had been three years since the pair had first met, and neither of them had thought that life would turn out this way.   
Flashback to 2013 in Chicago, Illinois:

Ella was climbing the stairs juggling what seemed like a mountain of boxes, her roommates were moving in, and Ella being the nice person she was, had offered to help. Pre-season was about to start for the inaugural season of the NWSL. Ella knew Chicago well, having previously played there, and being an Illinois native. Ella, wearing her “savage” cut off, showing off her arms, was staggering, barely able to see over the boxes she was carrying, this was just another time that being only 5”5 really wasn’t helpful in life. Eventually, after a struggle, Ella made it to her new apartment carrying Lori’s boxes and dumped them in the middle of the room.

“Lori you owe me for this one” Ella said before looking up, “oh erm hey” stuttered Ella as she saw two new faces standing in front of her. She recognised both of the girls, but couldn’t quite place their names. “I am Ella, You must be the Canadians?” Ella knew that there were due to be some Canadians moving into the apartment directly behind the one she was due to live in with Taryn and Lori. 

“Indeed, how did you guess?” replied the dark haired girl.

“The Canadian tuxedo was a giveaway” replied the American

“Erin, I told you not to wear that. Anyway, I’m Carmelina, but you can call me Carm, and that, that’s Erin. Nice to meet you” the curly haired girl said.

“Yes nice to meet you, and Carm there is nothing wrong with my fashion choices.” Erin said whilst trying to convert her attention from the American whom she had been staring at goofily since she walked in. 

Little paws could be heard running across the wooden floor of the apartment, “and that’s Max” stated Erin, before the little Chihuahua started pawing at Ella’s leg.   
“hello little man” Ella said leaning down to fuss the dog, who rolled onto his back, enjoying the new found attention he was receiving. 

“What is happening?” asked Carm, “Max hates new people, it took him forever to even come near me, and I’m still not sure if he likes me yet.

‘It’s a sign’ Erin thought to herself silently. Carm was right, in the whole time Erin had had Max, he had never responded to someone so well on their first meet. He was just about okay with the national team players now, but it had taken him a while. In all honesty, she was really glad that Max had taken so well to Ella, and hoped that he would be something that the pair could bond over. Erin had never been one to believe in love at first sight, but she definitely felt a connection to the girl she had only met 5 minutes ago. ‘damn, she is beautiful, I mean the cut off would have to go, but she is stunning’ Erin was now looking the girl up and down. ‘how can someone look so beautiful in a cut off and soccer shorts?” Erin pondered. 

“Erin are you coming?” asked Carm

“Hmm what?”

“Seriously dude, Ella has just offered to help move all of our things from the car. Were you not listening?”

“Oh erm sure thanks Ella” no, Erin hadn’t been listening, she took a step back. How long had she just been staring at the girl. Had Ella noticed her staring? She certainly hoped not.

“Be back in a min T” Ella shouted to her roommate who was unpacking in her room”

“Sure whatever” replied Taryn. 

Whilst walking down the stairs, the three girls started to talk about the national team, and how well the Canadians had done at the Olympics. That’s when it hit her. ‘Erin Mcleod, she’s the goalkeeper who got the indirect free-kick given against her”

Ella had remembered watching the match. She remembered the game at Old Trafford, the theatre of dreams, and how unlucky the Canadians had been. Truthfully, she had wanted the USWNT to win, because she was a proud American, who knew a lot of the girls well, having played alongside them previously. 

“I’ve never seen that decision given before, you guys were unlucky” Ella was referring to the decision for the indirect kick that was given against Erin with no warning, for apparent time wasting. And it was true, Ella hadn’t seen that decision without warning before or since the match. 

“It was tough, but these girls helped me pull through” Erin nodded towards Carm, “they could have easily blamed me, but instead they lifted my head up, and we focused on the bronze medal match, and that’s the Power of Love” Erin was joking in reference to the song the Canadian team listened to and sang after every game in the locker room. On some occasions, videos had been posted of the team singing, and it was a well-known fact that ‘Power of Love’ was the Canadian Women’s National Teams favorite song. 

The next hour or two consisted of Ella helping the Canadians move all their things into their apartment. She appreciated how hard it was to move to a new city, let alone a new country. Luckily, the two girls new each other well, after playing together on the national team for so many years, and at college. They had roomed together for 3 years or so, and known each other for about 12, so it was like moving in with family. 

“Anyways, ill let you two unpack, if you need anything you know where I am” Ella stated as she walked towards the door. 

“Thanks” replied the two girls in unison. Carm waited until Ella had left before she began to talk to Erin. She could tell that Erin was attracted to the girl, she had seen that face before.

“Erin, think about it before you do anything…” Carm warned carmly.

“What are you on about?”

“Ella, I can tell that you like her. But please don’t do anything. You know how hard it is to date a teammate, and plus I heard she’s a staunch Christian, and thinks it’s a sin”. It was unknown really if Erin had ever dated a teammate before, but it was rumoured, and assumed that for a period of time in around 2012, Erin and Tanc had dated. Neither of them had confirmed anything, but it was clear by the way they looked at each other, kind of the same way Erin had been looking at Ella ever since they met.

“Carm, I got this, don’t you worry” Erin trailed off, as she went into her room to unpack all of her clothes. 

~ella’s Apartment~  
Ella had headed straight into her room when she had left the Canadian’s apartment. She had moved in the day before, so her room was kind of sorted, but there were a few things left to do, such as to put up a few shelves for her books. Ella had picked up her bible, and began to read. 

It was true, the girl was a Christian, and she had been since she had met her ex-boyfriend in high school. Before she met her ex, Ella had never really thought about faith, her family wasn’t particularly religious, and they had been through a lot. If anything, Ella believed that Soccer was her religion. But, her ex had soon introduced her to faith, he was the son of the pastor, and it was only natural that faith was a big part of his life. 

Ella had been 16 when she first picked up a bible. It brought her a lot of comfort, in a way that she had never felt before, nor had she expected. She learned about Jesus, and all that He did, how He died for other’s sins. From then, Ella had been baptised, and held religion strong in her heart. 

Ella was flicking through her bible, trying to understand what had just happened. She had felt an instant attraction to the goalkeeper, in a way that she never had before. But, this was a girl, she had never fallen for a girl before, she wasn’t supposed to fall for a girl was she? It was a sin after all. Ella had followed the bible as strictly as she could for years, even writing blogs about how homosexual relationships were a sin, but now she was attracted to a member of the same sex. 

Ella was fighting an internal battle in her heart, she couldn’t deny what she felt. She felt guilty, a weight had been placed on her shoulders. She didn’t want to go against God, she wanted to be a good servant to Him, she wanted to go to heaven, not to hell for sinning. 

Ella lay on her bed staring at her bible, for what seemed like an eternity. In a way, she was hoping to find something that confirmed, that to love another woman would be sinning. She had read the bible before, hundreds of times. She knew where to look for comfort, and for some reason today, her hand flicked through the pages until she got to the verses she wanted to read. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 4-7

Ella took this as a sign, she knew in her heart that to love another woman, would be sinning, but she also knew that God was watching over her, and loving her. She knew that she had been put on this planet for a reason, and that God was guiding her through life. Ella read the verses 10 times over. She knew that this was just God’s way of telling her to go for it, to do all things through love, and that most importantly, God would not abandon her for loving someone- as long as she did it whole heartedly. 

Ella knew that it was going to be a long road ahead, and she didn’t want to tell Erin how she felt, especially not before the season started. What would happen if Erin didn’t like her back? That would make for an awkward season. She knew that most importantly, she had to get to know the girl first. Yes, she appreciated the goal keeper’s looks, but she needed to get to know the person on the inside before making any rash decisions. 

Ella knew that she wold probably feel guilty about what she felt for a long time, and she knew that she had to work through this guilt, and try and release the weight from her shoulders before she even told Erin how she felt. 

Ella decided that she was going to keep it to herself for at least a few months. She wouldn’t tell anyone, especially not her best friend Em, because after all Emily was on the Canadian team too, and she knew that Em would tell Carm and Carm would tell Erin. No, she had to keep this to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this is okay. please leave comments/suggestions


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few days, maybe a week since Erin had suggested that the pair had a baby. Whilst she was excited that Ella had agreed to the idea, she could tell that her wife wasn’t fully on board, but she didn’t know why. She hadn’t questioned her yet, because the keeper had hoped that it was just a mixture of nerves and surprise, and she would warm to the idea over time. 

Both women were struggling to adapt to their roles, it’s almost if they had been reversed. Ella was going to be a mom, and Erin was going to play soccer- it was a done deal. Previously they hadn’t even been sure if they’d want to conceive in Sweden. Sure, they had checked out the clinics, finding out information, and handing in their details just in case. They had never had a formal discussion about it though, not since Ella had been signed. 

Erin had been spending a lot of time by herself. Yes, she went to training occasionally to watch the girls, and she met up with the physios and consultants to discuss her options. But a lot of time was spent at home, or light sessions in the gym alone, trying not to stretch her knee. It meant that she spent a lot more time observing Ella when they were together, she noticed a subtle uncomfortableness in her wife when they spoke about children; something she had never noticed before. 

It was a Thursday, Erin’s turn to make dinner. The pair often took it turns to make dinner, or one would cook, and one would wash the plates. Erin was minding her own business, cooking her signature tacos when she heard Ella’s voice. “I thought you wanted to wait until we were back home”

The voice of her wife made Erin jump, she thought that Ella was in the shower, since she had come in from training not long ago. Perhaps she had lost track of time. “I’m sorry, what?” the keeper questioned. 

“I thought you wanted to wait until we were back home” Ella repeated, now sat at the breakfast bar with a glass of juice. 

“We are at home? Until what?” Erin was a bit confused by the random questions. 

“No, until we were back home in Canada- to have children. I know we talked about having children out here, but I wasn’t supposed to be playing, and now I am, so things have changed. I thought you would want to wait now until we were back home in Canada. I know the plan was only to stay out here for a couple of years anyway. I can talk to coach tomorrow if you want, I can ask to cancel my contract. I know you want kids, so I can quit and we can go home and have them at home, surrounded by our families…” Ella was rambling. This is obviously what had been bothering her ever since Erin had told her about the idea. 

Erin had walked around the breakfast bar, and turned Ella on the stool to face her. Ella was looking down at her knees, so Erin took her hands into her own. “Listen, babe. This is your dream too, you wanted to play out here as much as I did. I am not going to stop you from playing, in fact I encourage you to play. You’re my wife, and I love you, and I will support any decision you make, but please do not quit soccer for my sake, I am more than happy to just be your wife and the mother of your child.”

Ella looked up to face her wife, “I love you too, thank you” she said, pressing a small kiss on her wife’s lips. “Wifey for lifey?” 

“Wifey for lifey? Really Ella, really?” it made Erin smile when Ella came out with stupid comments like that, it was one of the reasons she had fallen for hr in the first place, “but sure, I will be your ‘wifey for lifey’ as you so poignantly put it”

“Thank you, but I hear there is some food to be cooked, and your wife is getting kinda hungry” Ella joked.

“Food coming right up ma’am” Erin saluted before heading back over to the cooker.

The two continued to talk whilst Erin cooked, just general chit chat about each other’s days. It was one of the things that they loved most about their relationship, the simplicity of it all, how easily they could carry a conversation. Everything that Erin did, Ella thought was beautiful. Ella had often spoken in interviews, about how beautiful Erin was, and even joked that she had had to fight women off. I mean really, who could look so good making tacos. By beautiful, Ella didn’t necessarily agree with the Manchester City jersey that Erin was wearing, but she had learnt to accept this common occurrence. 

Obviously, the two still bickered about their different views on sports teams, but Ella had been winning recently. Since the reds had won the most recent derby, it had shut Erin up for a while. 

Erin eventually finished cooking, and presented it to the younger girl, who had now set places for them at the breakfast bar. 

“Mmm Mcleod’s famous tacos, my favorite. Our children are definitely having these.” Ella said, tucking into her food before Erin had even sat down. 

Erin knew they were Ella’s favorite, that why she had made them. She had known something had been bothering her, and hoped this might have cheered her wife up. She was right, between the chat and the food, Ella was clearly starting to feel better about the whole situation. 

The pair had decided to keep quiet about their decision to have a baby. They wanted for Erin to be pregnant, and have had the scan before they told anybody. It had been a way of their relationship really, not telling anyone things. From the first time they got together, it was a mutual decision to always make sure of things themselves before telling anyone anything. They hadn’t fully announced their relationship until about 18 months into it. Of course, their friends, teammates and families had known before that, but never the public. The girls didn’t even think that Randy had known until Ella had emailed him about the blog post. It was just their way, to keep quiet. Their wedding had been a quiet occasion, not many guests, and not announced until afterwards. They hadn’t really thought about informing fans about their wedding beforehand. It was a quick decision anyway.   
Ella had known that Erin would be the one to propose, in fact Erin had told Ella not to propose. They felt so comfortable together, that neither of them proposed intentionally. It had just been part of a conversation over dinner whilst they were in Canada, and it had been decided to get married whilst they were there, before they resumed play back in the league with Houston. Only family attended, teammates weren’t even told until afterwards. Everybody had always believed that it was Ella who couldn’t keep the wedding a secret; but really it was Erin who wanted to tell the world. She was proud to have Ella as a wife, and she wanted everybody to see how beautiful her new wife looked in her wedding dress. And so it seemed only natural to keep the baby news quiet. 

They wanted to be able to have some time, just them knowing the news. The pair knew that they had a big following, and they didn’t want everything to be thrown into the public when they had only just decided themselves.

Nobody really needed to know right now anyway, it wasn’t like A-rod or Syd, who had to leave the game for a while, Erin would already be out of the game, so people wouldn’t know until she started showing. 

It was lucky that the girls had a couple of weeks of for the international break. It was the Euro qualifiers, so the league had a pause, because a lot of players were going to represent their country. The leagues out here in Europe were different to America. In America, when Canada or USA had games, the league continued without the international players. Ella preferred it this way anyway, she hated having to be apart from Erin, so the fact that the league broke for internationals had been a big positive for her. Plus she had always hated that in the NWSL, the international players were barely ever at the club. 

With their two weeks off, after a surprise trip to Rome, (for Ella’s birthday) the girl’s had headed back to Sweden to go to their first appointment at the clinic. The timing had worked well really, Ella only had to do light workouts, since there was no club training, and so they had a lot more time on their hands than usual. It seemed like the perfect time to make an appointment without the rest of the team wondering what they were up to. 

The only problem the pair had was a language barrier. They had a meeting with a Dr, who may or may not speak English. 

A lot of the Swedish that the wives knew was based around soccer, yes they could do the basics such as counting, and ordering food in a restaurant. They hadn’t really needed to learn a lot of the language, some of their closest friends on the team, were from England and New Zealand, and the rest spoke pretty good English. 

This was going to be very interesting appointment…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I am always grateful for comments. Please leave any suggestions down below! Thanks Guys


	4. Chapter 4

5:34 am. Erin had looked at the clock next to the bed, she had been fairly calm about the appointment they were going to today, but she knew that Ella had been tossing most of the night, which had in turn woken Erin up. 

Erin rolled over to face Ella, “Ella, I know you’re not asleep right now, what’s wrong?”

“Hmm, I am asleep, I promise” came the reply from Ella who still had her eyes closed. 

“Really babe? Really? Talk to me, what’s up?”

“Nothing, well, I just. You know, it’s a big part of our life, are you sure? I mean I’m sure, but are you sure? Are you sure you’re sure? Because if you’re not sure then it’s fine. Honestly, I don’t mind if you’re not okay with this, I understand. I get it, it wasn’t the plan. You don’t want to go through with this do you? I under-“ Ella was cut off by Erin who had, at this point, decided that it was way too early for one of Ella’s rambles. 

“Ella, what are you on about? This was my idea, of course I am sure about this. Nothing is even definite yet- we are just going to talk about our options, calm down” Erin’s voice calmed Ella down, it always had. Well admittedly, when they had first met, Erin’s voice had made Ella’s heart skip a beat, it still did occasionally. On the most part, Erin was a huge comfort to Ella. If anybody knew how to calm Ella down, it was Erin. “Come here, snuggle into me?” Erin asked gesturing to the space between the pair, she knew that being held was a sure way to calm Ella down. Ella moved to close the space between them. 

“look, our appointment isn’t until 3pm, lets snuggle, go back to sleep, and have a nice quiet day. We can take Max for a walk, go shopping, have a bike ride, and grab some food, whatever you like. Just for now, go back to sleep” Erin suggested placing a kiss on Ella’s forehead.

“Okay” the younger girl smiled, closing her eyes. 

Ella kept her eyes closed until she heard soft snores coming from her keeper. Thoughts had been running through her head, thoughts about the process, thoughts about life, thoughts about everything and thoughts about nothing. Her mind was racing. 

~ELLA POV~  
~internal thoughts~  
I love Erin, I really do, with everything I have. At first I hated it, I hated loving Erin. I couldn’t understand how I could love a girl, it wasn’t how I had planned my life, but I fell for her. It took me a while, but I accepted it. I feel connected to Erin, in a way that I have never felt connected to anyone ever. And, I do want to start a family with Erin, I do. Being a mom is one of my biggest dreams in my life, and it has always been my plan for after soccer. I couldn’t imagine anybody better to be married to, or anybody better to start a family with. 

It was 9:30 when Ella awoke from her slumber, surprised to see that Erin was still sleeping. Erin was usually an early riser, normally complaining that she had do to taxes or such like, something that Ella did not agree was a reasonable excuse for waking up early. Ella had only got back in bed around 7-30, she’d taken Max for an early morning walk to help clear her head when she couldn’t sleep. Being out in the fresh air, seeing the sun rise reminded her to stay grounded and just breathe. She had given Max his breakfast when they got back, and then got back into bed with Erin where she’d managed to finally fall asleep. 

Ella got up, still wearing the sweats and jumper from when she had gone out with Max, grabbed her wallet and left a note for Erin. 

“back in 10 if you wake up babe, just nipped out, Love you”

Around 2 minutes later, Erin woke up. She’d heard the door go, and it had woken her up. She turned over to see that Ella was missing, only to find the note from her wife. ‘she’s probably gone for a jog’ Erin thought, it wasn’t unusual for Ella to go out for a jog when the girls weren’t training. Ella prided herself on never having a day off. 9:45am and Ella returns, singing to herself, a little out of tune as per usual, but that’s just another thing Erin loved about her. 

“Wow somebody is chirpy” shouted Erin from the bedroom. “Nice jog?”

“Yes I am chirpy, but no jog for me this morning” Ella replied, walking into the room with two coffee cups in her hand from the local store. Ella had decided to bring Erin her favourite coffee. “Americano with a pump of vanilla AND CREAM” Ella had never forgotten her wife’s favourite copy since THAT one time… 

“The cream is important” replied Erin smirking, she was never, ever going to let Ella live that one down. 

“Yeah, well you didn’t have to tell everyone that I pick ingrown hairs, but there’s that. And by the way, your worst habit is tutting, I can’t believe that got cut” Ella replied, the two often joked about what went on in their shows. Throughout the Ella and Erin shows, And the Ella and Carm shoes, taking the mick out of Ella, and making jokes at her expense had just become a trend of the show. From the very first show the two had hosted alone without Carm, Erin had made jokes about Ella. Firstly, about her suggesting that viewers vote on shirts, when she meant auctioning them off, followed by Erin adding an extra segment to the show to show everyone THAT picture of Ella.

The two sat in bed for a while, drinking their coffee, appreciating each other. It wasn’t often that they got to do this, normally one of them had to be up early do to do something, or to go to training. 

“so, what do you want to do today then?” asked Erin looking at her watch, “we have approximately 5 hours and 53 minutes until our appointment, and we have to leave here 25 minutes before that giving us a total of erm 5 hours and 28 minutes of free time today…”

“Not that you’re counting down or anything?” asked Ella smiling at just how excited her wife was. “ I was thinking maybe I would play guitar or something for a little while this morning, how about you?”

“Learning anything new?” was the reply that came. “Maybe I could sing along for a little bit, or just do some drawing. I suppose I should take Max for a walk too…”  
“Consider Max walked, I took him out this morning when I couldn’t sleep, before you woke up, sorry.” Ella confessed. 

It was decided that Ella would practice playing her guitar whilst Erin did some painting, and then Erin would join Ella later on to sing along. Ella often learned songs by ear, she’d made a promise to herself back in 2010 that she would play piano for 30 minutes a day, so that exactly what she did. Of course, having Erin, an amazing singer, as her wife, allowed Ella to see an outcome of her practice. The two had been singing together since their Chicago days, and it had carried on as a pass time ever since. In fact, hours could go by whilst the pair played music together, or while Ella played and Erin did art. 

After 90 minutes or so, the two decided on going on a bike ride around the city, and grab a bite to eat. Eventually the girls ended up being early for their appointment at the clinic. 45 minutes early at that. Excitement and anticipation had taken over, and the conclusion had be drawn that, time would pass by quicker if they were there. So, they’d called a taxi and headed to the clinic. The girls had checked In at reception, well, at least they thought they had. It’d gone along the lines of “Mcleod, klockan 3” They had had a few weird looks from the people behind the desk, possibly because of the short statement, possibly because of how early they were. 

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, they were called in to the consultation room. 

“Hiya I’m Dr Mckinley” came the introduction from the middle aged man, well at least that what they thought he said, what kind of accent even was that? 

“Hi, I’m Erin, and this is my wife Ella, nice to meet you.”

“Take a seat, don’t look so nervous, I know the chairs are a bit antwacky but...”

“I’m sorry, they’re what?” interrupted Ella.

“Oh I’m sorry love. Old fashioned, I mean. I’m not from round ‘ere if you can’t tell. I’m from Liverpool, England.” This was going to be difficult, not only did the man speak in an indecipherable accent, he also seemingly made up words. He might as well be speaking Swedish. Erin had visited Liverpool during the Olympics, but had never known the accent that strong. 

Their hour appointment passed by, relatively easily. The doctor had tried his best to ease his accent off, and speak a little slower, and the girls were more able to adapt as the appointment went on. 

They had gained more information than they could have thought up, questions about how, what, why and when had been asked and answered. They had decided to go home and talk about the appointment, before booking a follow up. They wanted to be certain of every choice before they took the leap. 

 

It was going to be a long evening, full of discussion. Erin knew that Ella was stubborn, endearing at times, but when she was so emotionally drained, it wasn’t great. She knew Ella wasn’t going to go home to rest, she was going to ask questions and want answers from Erin, she had never been able to sleep unless everything was straight in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Comments always appreciated


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry the update has taken longer than usual, but I have had a few things going on. Hope this is okay

They hadn’t even been home for 5 minutes when Ella’s questions began, it is what Erin had expected, although she had hoped for a little bit more time before the questioning started. She was trying to get her own head around the past few hours, which was hard enough. Although, they weren’t really questions for Erin to answer, more rhetorical questions that she answered herself forming a running commentary:

“Do we want to use an anonymous donor, or do we want to know who is going to father our child? I think anonymous is better, wouldn’t it be weird knowing who was going to be the father? But I suppose if you had a guy in mind you could always just sleep with him and not go through the clinic if that’s what you wanted. But then I suppose we don’t know a lot of guys out here. I mean, does our child even need a father? My dad wasn’t there much for me until I was in high school and college. Yes, I love the guy to pieces, and it broke my heart when he passed, but we didn’t have a great relationship to begin with. But I also know how important your dad is to you, he’s important to me too. The way he took me under his wing, from the moment you told him about us. I guess a kid does need a male influence, but we have Ty don’t we? And our brothers in law. They’ll help won’t they? I think they would be fine with it.” 

Topics of ‘conversation’ changed from time to time: “do we want a girl or a boy, or do you not want to know. I didn’t even know you could choose the gender of your baby. Isn’t that a bit crazy? How do they even do that? Seems a bit complicated to me. I don’t think we should choose a gender, we should just find out afterwards. Doesn’t it ruin it to choose the gender? I mean I get it, we have lots of nieces between us, so maybe another girl would be nice, but then maybe we should have a boy to mix it up a bit…”

Erin wasn’t even sure Ella had taken a breath since she started speaking, luckily for her she was used to Ella’s rambling, and had learned to just hold her hand and nod in the right places. Well, she held her hand when the younger girl eventually sat down. As well as rambling, pacing became a habit for Ella when she was overthinking. Erin just let her eyes follow Ella wandering round the room, until she sat down. Erin knew that she just had to be quiet and let Ella get everything out of her system. 

Erin had figured that about Ella from the start, to just let her get everything out of her system. In fact, after learning of Ella’s previous troubles in life, Erin had encouraged her to talk about things. She knew that when Ella was a teenager, she hadn’t been great at dealing with life, choosing instead to bottle things up and take it out on the field. Yes, sport had helped Ella a lot, but it couldn’t take feelings away. Soccer had helped to distract her for periods of time, but thoughts and issues were after practices and games – she still had to go home and face real life.

After what seemed like forever, the pair decided that they needed to get out of the apartment. They had spent a long time discussing the appointment before and after it, and now they wanted to do something to take their mind off it. Yes, having a baby was very, very important to them, but they also needed some time away from the issue. Erin, being the romantic she is, had thought of a great idea. Since the pair didn’t have to train the next day, it wasn’t particularly important that they got to bed early. 

Erin worked in the kitchen, making a picnic for them, whilst Ella hunted round the apartment for things they would need such as multiple blankets. Erin packed a variety of food, from sandwiches, to fruit, to some of those peanut chocolate things that Ella loved, and before they lived together, would often steal from the Canadian’s apartments. Ella packed blankets, lots of blankets. 

The two headed out towards the more rural part of their area, to have a picnic and watch the stars. They knew a great place to watch the stars, a field that was used by many people for this reason. It was almost like a country park, the two would often walk Max there, and during the day there were often lots of kids playing a variety of sports around the field. The wives would often go to watch the sunset, it helped them both to remain calm in some of the most difficult situations. They had always found a good place to watch the sunset no matter where they were. However, no place could beat the Vancouver sunset at the top of their favourite hike. 

After the girls arrived, they found a nice spot in the field, not too close to anyone else, but close enough that they could get help if anything went wrong. They laid out the blankets on the floor, and sat down, and put out their picnic in the middle of them. Erin, had packed a little bottle of rum, the type you would get on an airplane, and some cans of coke. She knew that Ella liked a rum and coke in the off season. It wasn’t technically off season, but they did have a couple weeks off from training, so it was fine. 

Erin poured Ella her rum and coke, and opened a diet coke for herself, before they began tucking into their picnic. After they finished, they lay down on the blankets, and as it was getting late, they decided to stay for a while and watch the stars. Sometimes, simple things are the best things in life. 

At around 11:15pm, the pair decided to head home. It had been a very, very long day. It had been tough emotionally for both of the girls, and they both just wanted to go to sleep and forget about their day for a little while. And so that’s what they did, they went home, dumped their stuff on the kitchen table and headed to bed. 

Sunday   
A few days, and a lot of conversation had passed since the clinic appointment. The girls had eventually, between them, answered a lot of each other’s questions, and made some decisions on theirs and their baby’s future. Most importantly, they had decided to go ahead and make another appointment at the clinic. They had decided that, they did want to have the baby in Sweden, and although it hadn’t been their original plan when they moved out to Sweden, Erin would definitely be carrying their first baby. It had also been decided, that the two would be using an anonymous sperm donor. Yes, that would mean that the baby would never know its biological father, but it would definitely have male role models, and good ones at that. And finally, they had decided to not choose the sex of the baby. They wanted for Erin to get pregnant, and they would find out at a later date, maybe during pregnancy, or maybe at birth, they hadn’t discussed that part yet. 

It was 10am, and as they did every Sunday, the two headed out to the local café to get a small coffee and a small donut each. This had begun as a tradition. When Ella had been younger, herself and her dad would go to the local donut store every Sunday and get a donut. When he had passed away, Ella had carried out this tradition wherever she had been. Whether she was in Vancouver, Chicago, Norway, Houston, Paris or Sweden, Ella would always get a donut on Sunday. She would only ever get one donut, (Apart from that one time where she ended up with a dozen donuts in Orlando…) and a small coffee, and a donut and a coffee for Erin. Ella was not going to allow the tradition to die…

“You do realise our kid is gonna have to like donuts right?” Ella asked, half way through hers. 

“Ella you can’t force a child to eat donuts. The baby won’t even be able to eat solid food until its’ about one” replied Erin.

“Well, can’t you blend it into the milk or something? I am not giving up Sunday fun-day” Ella complained.

“No Ella, you cannot blend donut into baby milk. I am not doing that to our child. We can still come here every Sunday and get our donuts and coffee, and when our baby is old enough than yes, we will definitely give them donuts every Sunday.” Erin looked up at Ella who had the biggest smile on her face, “What?”

“Our baby. You said our baby. It just makes it seem so real, we are actually doing this aren’t we? We are going to have a baby…”

“yes, we are going to have a baby Ella. I’ll ring the clinic tomorrow morning when I wake up and make an appointment for as soon as possible if that’s okay with you?” the goalkeeper questioned.

“Of course” replied Ella. “I can’t wait to have a baby with you, you are going to be a great mom”

“And so are you,” Erin said as she placed a kiss on her wife’s cheek. And it was true, she knew that Ella was going to be a great mom. She had known it from the moment she they had met. Ella had a caring and helpful instinct, she wanted to help everyone with anything she could. That’s one of the first things that Erin had noticed, the first day they met when Ella had been carrying boxes for Lori and Taryn. She didn’t have to help the Canadian’s, she didn’t even know them, but she had spent hours of her own time carrying countless boxes up and down stairs for them. That is what had drawn Erin and Carm to want to be friends with Ella, they clicked from the first moment. 

 

Erin spent a minute reminiscing about all of her feelings for Ella and how fast she had fallen for the younger girl…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated and encouraged. Any comments/suggestions are being worked into the next few chapters. I am currently in the process of writing a story chapter and a throwback chapter, so any suggestions are appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another throwback chapter. Hope you enjoy.

2013 Chicago, after Ella had returned to her own apartment.

 

‘Wow Carm knows me too well’ Erin thought to herself as she walked into her room. That was the unfortunate thing about rooming with someone for so long, they were able to read your mind. Erin and Carm had known each other for too long for Erin to be able to hide her feelings about Ella, she didn’t realise she had been so obvious about it. They had only just met, a couple of hours ago, and here she was seemingly falling for a girl who she barely knew anything about. 

Erin only knew things about Ella that the rest of the world already knew too. She knew about the issues at Magicjack, and how outspoken Ella had been on the situation. She empathised with Ella on the situation, Erin knew that if their roles had been reversed at the time, she would have done the exact same thing. Erin knew that Ella was from Chicago. She had been told a few stories about Ella from Em at the national team camp, mostly just college stories that just happened to involve Ella because they played soccer together at college. But, in reality, Erin didn’t know an awful lot about Ella. She definitely wanted to get to know her though. 

Erin had known she was gay since being a teenager, she had known she wasn’t attracted to boys for a long time, and when she kissed them it didn’t feel right. The first time she kissed a girl, everything had fallen into place, and she had begun to understand who she was. Her family had all been fairly accepting of Erin and her sexuality, her mom had known for a while before Erin came out anyway- a motherly instinct. Erin, however, wasn’t out publically. Yes, friends, family and teammates knew, but she had never officially come out to fans. She never felt she had to, her personal life was private and she didn’t feel the need to share that with everyone else. It was fairly apparent that she was gay however, by the way she dressed. She dressed, as some would say, as a stereotypical lesbian. It had started during her early years; she played sports and didn’t like dresses. Her family had labelled her a tomboy, and nobody thought anything of it, but the pattern continued as she got older. She felt more comfortable buying men’s clothes and having them tailored to fit her. She wore button ups and long shorts, beanies and snapbacks, and soccer shirts. It was how she was happy. 

Erin hated the idea of stereotypes, how in any way does the way you dress have an impact on who you do and don’t love? She thought the idea was ridiculous. She just didn’t like dresses, yes she would wear them occasionally, but she much preferred a button up and a jacket. It’s how she was comfortable. 

Erin felt as if she had been hit in the stomach when Carm told her that she believed Ella was straight. Was she in a relationship with a guy then? If so, she had no chance at all. Erin felt almost hopeless, falling for someone who would probably never love her back. 

It took the Canadian a while, probably a month or so, to accept that Ella would probably never fall for her, but decided that she still wanted to get to know the forward, even if it was just as a friend. Carm had begun hanging at the American’s apartment a lot. It made sense, the girls were teammates, and had to get to know each other better ready for the season. At least twice a week, Carm would put on grey sweatpants and a grey jumper or t-shirt and head over to the American’s apartment. Erin had been invited on multiple occasions previously, but had always declined, stating she was going to do art instead – in reality, she had been trying her best to avoid Ella, and her feelings for Ella.   
After about 6 weeks of living in Chicago, Erin had finally decided she would accept an invite to the American’s apartment. 

“Carm are you sure I need to wear this?” Erin asked referring to the grey clothing she had been forced to wear.

“Yes, I told you. It’s the grey tuxedo. If you don’t wear it, you don’t get invited. Taryn’s rule” replied Carm. It had often been joked about how much grey Taryn wore, it had at first become a joke, but now it was an unwritten rule: no grey, no movies.

“You will sit next to me won’t you?” Erin asked nervously. Erin wasn’t they type of person to be nervous, but being around Ella made the keeper nervous.

“Of course. Look I told you it’ll be fine. She’s a really nice girl Erin, you just gotta get to know her”

Erin followed advice, trying to act as normal as possible, whilst trying to avoid her feelings for the blonde. Unbeknownst to her, Ella had been doing the exact same thing. Every movie night, she had been torn- half wishing that Erin would turn up, and half hoping she wouldn’t. Yes, she did want to get to know the Canadian better as a teammate, but she also knew her feelings towards the keeper were sinning. 

The movie night went seemingly well, there was a little bit of tension between the two, but fortunately only Carm had noticed, Lori and T hadn’t appeared to feel it. Carm and Ella had become good friends over the time they had been in Chicago, and although Ella had not told Carm about her feelings, Carm could tell something was wrong. Ella would become a different person when Erin was around. She went from a loud, bubbly person, to a quiet nervous one. 

Eventually after about 2 months, Ella and Carm had grown so close that they had decided to do a show together on YouTube. It had been the brainchild of the pair, when talking about how to gain more publicity for the club and how to get the fans involved. Ella had come up with the idea to do the show, after her friendship with Carm had grown so quickly, and Carm had had the idea of giving away a pair of tickets for each home game. The two went hand in hand, and therefore, ‘The Ella and Carm Show’ was born. Each week, a guest or two from the team, would be invited onto the show, allowing the fans to get to know the team better. 

Week one had gone well, just the two of them, revealing information about themselves. Lori and Taryn, being Ella’s roommates, had been invited on the show for episode two. Episode 3 was coming up, and it only made sense that Erin was the guest, with her being Carm’s roommate. 

“Are you sure you want me on the show? I don’t mind if you want somebody else. Honestly, it’s fine, more than fine even”

“Erin, you are coming on the show whether you want to or not. Lori and T have been on, and now it is your turn. Just be yourself, you’ll be fine…” Carm tried to convince Erin. After a lot of arguments, Erin finally agreed to go onto the show. 

However, there was one small problem. Ella and Carm had decided they were going to dress as their guests. Ella, however did not own anything remotely Erin-like. She didn’t own button ups and beanies. 

“Carm, we gotta go shopping for the show. I don’t have a single thing” Ella shouted from her closet. “None of these look anything like something Erin would wear.”

“Can’t you just borrow something of hers? That is what I am going to do.” Came the reply from the Canadian. 

It took a little while for that to register with Ella. Borrow clothes off Erin? No, she couldn’t do that could she? Wouldn’t that be awkward?

“Erm I guess, do you think she would be okay with that?”

“Sure, come on we will go ask her now” shouted Carm, gesturing for Ella to follow her into Carm’s apartment. 

“Ella has a question, go on Ella…” Carm says as they enter the apartment. 

Can I please borrow your clothes?” asked Ella, smiling nervously. 

“Hi Ella, how are you? ‘I’m good thanks Erin, you?’ Yes fine thank you.” Erin joked. “Sure, you can borrow my clothes, but why do you need them”

“For the show, you’ll see” says Carm. 

“Right, Should I be nervous? But go ahead, closet in my room. Have fun…”

Ella had eventually picked out clothes, and they completed the show without any major issues. For some reason, Carm had decided to convince Erin to tell everyone about the house-ranking, leading to Erin telling the world that Ella was a peasant. The episode ended with Erin singing whilst Carm sung a little, and Ella played the keyboard. They had had to rehearse it, a lot, and Ella had found herself falling in love with Erin’s voice. They had got along well, Erin and Carm made jokes about Ella as usual, most people did to be fair.   
It wasn’t until a few hours later, until Carm had texted ella with a link for the video, that Ella had even thought about it. 

Carm: vids up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlxxCiFIVXE ps. I see the way y’all are looking at each other, you don’t fool me ;)

Ella: Whatcha mean? We aren’t looking at each other any way.

Carm: Sure kid, sure. Just be careful. That’s all im saying. Y’know where I am if you wanna talk.

Ella: cheers. You busy? 

Two minutes later Carm was at the American’s apartment. Fortunately, Lori and T had gone out, so it was just the two of them.   
“Caught feelings eh?” 

“I don’t know Carm, I don’t know” Ella knew this was going to be hard for her. She hadn’t told anybody about her developing feelings for Erin. She knew that she was sinning, and she knew that Erin didn’t like her, so it had seemed pointless to tell anyone until now. 

“What do you mean?” Carm asked, sitting down on the sofa. 

“I think I might like her Carm. I don’t know, I haven’t felt like this about anyone. It’s like a school girl crush, I didn’t even feel like this about my ex and I was with him for 10 years. She just makes me feel happy. And she is so beautiful. But I’m not gay, I’m not. I’m not supposed to be gay, this isn’t how my life was supposed to turn out. Maybe I don’t even have a crush on her. She just makes me feel safe, and she is so nice to me. She makes me nervous, but like good nervous, not scared nervous. She makes my heart flip every time I see her. I don’t get attracted to other girls though, just her. What does that make me?” replied the younger girl.

“Ella, you don’t have to out a label on yourself. If you like her, then it’s fine. You don’t have to have an explanation for everything. You might not have been with a girl before, but it is perfectly okay to like Erin. Just don’t push yourself into anything. Just go with the flow and whatever happens, happens…” Carm suggested, being careful not to let on that Erin shard the feelings. It wasn’t her place to say, she knew the American had to figure things out herself first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always. please leave comments below. All comments are read, and appreciated, I do take them on board :)


End file.
